My eyes deceive me as I blankly stare out the window
The sun shines so bright, yet the air is cold I know.

Your mind is such an amazing thing
The ability of producing images you can see but not bring.
A faint whiff of a familiar scent you know so well
My heart skips a beat, only to pound faster because of a smell?

A photograph seen unexpectedly, a place it's never been
Hands start to shake, insides start to ache because I'm still unable to mend.
Ripped, torn, in pieces is what I became
Three years later... ripped, torn, in pieces, so it seems is how I remain.

Everything inside wrapped as tight as I possibly can
Ensures that no one gets close, lest it's in the space they stand.
The air I breathe now is no different from that day
You're still not here, and no warmth is capable to stay.

My heart felt all that was possible, to and through my very soul
Now I can't and I don't want to feel anything but the bitter, winter cold.
Sometimes I wish I couldn't feel you, always near
Except it's the only way I can be sure that I'm still here.

I have protection, armours and shields keeping me in and them out
Unless it was previously, they'll never know what I'm about.
All I want is for these mind tricks for once to be real
To hear you, smell you, see you and your touch.... I want to feel.

1.19.09